Tip Jar
Throughout the ups and downs of life, it can be challenging, extremely hard and unpredictable. Right now, I'm going through the hardest season of my life and feel like I'm on the edge of breaking from all the uncertainty, but I'm also trying to embrace it. Learn from it and yes, praise God in joy and thanksgiving even in the midst of all the pain and suffering. As anyone who has gone through hard times financially, it can feel like an albatross tied around your neck at all times. But thankfully through all of this, I know my faith is greater than my fears and only through the grace of God have I survived through His enduring strength. My trust, my hope and my faith is in God, and I have my health, so I know I am blessed.
In the world we live in, many are trying to play their perceived parts, live up to high expectations and in some cases exude a persona of perfection or that everything is OK when it’s not. In my 20’s, I did have a perfection persona but dropped that years ago. However, because I’ve been SO self-sufficient since I moved away to college (at age 18) I just wanted to portray myself as completely capable of taking care of myself; and I have for my entire life. But what I’ve realized over the past couple of years is that doing everything on my own with no support is exhausting. It’s hard. And for my entire life I’ve never asked for help because I never wanted to be a burden to anyone. And saying that sentence over the past several months, I’ve choked up and cried. But today I can say it without crying so that’s progress! I now know that I am worthy of asking for help and that it’s OK to ask for help. Saying those words has been extremely hard for me but now I can say it with humility and God's strength and know that I am worthy of receiving support.
You may be wondering how I could’ve allowed my finances to get to this point, as a smart, intelligent, responsible and capable person that I am (and I am that person) and all I can say is that disillusionment got the better of me. I didn’t take the action I needed to when I needed to, and I take full responsibility for that. I’m not blaming anyone because I know I’m fully responsible for my situation and I’m not angry, bitter, or resentful like I would’ve been 10 years ago. But here’s what I know, I can’t change the past, I can’t dwell or live in the past. I’m fully present in this moment, doing what I can do right now and being proud of how much I’ve changed and who I’m becoming now.
The past 3 months have been extremely hard. God has tested my faith, not in just one way, but multiple. He must think I’m strong or something. Or He knew it was time for change and the only way to break old patterns was to test me all at once. Yes, God's wake-up call would not allow me to hit snooze anymore!
June13th, mom fell and broke her left shoulder and spent 3 days in the hospital. A week later she was back in the hospital, and we found out she also had a fracture in her back. Another 3 days in the hospital and then 13 days in rehab, which was the best thing for her. Then it was scheduling all the home health aides (nurses, PT, OT) and my younger brother making it all more difficult and stressful by his own inexcusable actions. At the end of July my dad was in the hospital for three days, nothing too serious other than if he hadn’t gone in, he would have gotten sepsis. (BTW, dad has Parkinson’s that’s progressing) And then in early August mom was back in the hospital again for 5 days. So, within 2 months between the two of them, we had 4 hospitals, a stint at rehab and 12 doctor’s appointments. My sister and I were their primary caregivers doing everything. And anyone who has been the primary caregiver for their aging parents knows what everything means. Everything. Staying at the hospital/rehab, coordinating doctor’s appointments/questions, coordinating home health, dealing with insurance, preparing meals, providing groceries, driving them to all their appointments, and on and on. No help from my older brother and his wife who live nearby. Just my sister and I, surviving one day at a time.
It was a lot for us, a lot for me, especially for never being married or not having kids to now being a primary caregiver dealing with all of this. Again, anyone who has been a caregiver knows the emotional, mental and physical toll it can take on someone. There’s also grief there. How do you process all of it? So, I started reaching out for help…from friends who have gone through it, to joining a Caregiver support group at church. I slowly but surely started reaching out, asking for help, showing up being vulnerable and changing for the better.
My faith has always been the one and only constant thing in my life, that’s why it’s my #1 personal value (if you’ve been following my weekly blog posts here, I share my 5 personal values). It's always been like a steady stream, always with me, always there. But going through these past 3 months, my faith has been solidified. It became a sheer sheet of ice that was solid as a rock. But it also felt like raging rapids because it was loud, amplified and it was active. I can wholeheartedly say that I would not be standing here today without the redeeming grace of God for providing enough strength to get through each day over the past 3 months. And my constant prayer “God, please fill me with your confidence, reassurance and everlasting peace for this day. Please carry my burdens for this day", which have truly given me exactly what I needed to endure, persevere and survive these past 3 months of change and transformation. There were constant, numerous prayers, and I started to wonder if God wanted me to become a nun because I was praying so much! ;-) When I think back on how much I’ve changed and how much has happened in such a short amount of time, I'm truly amazed at the work and grace of God.
Right before mom broke her shoulder, I had launched this new venture, this values-based, faith-led online blog, vitally valenKIND. I haven't had the time to fully commit to its progress or expansion the way that I wanted. But I have been posting a new blog post every week along with new posts on Instagram. If you haven't been following @vitally_valenkind on Instagram, I would encourage you to, as I truly love the quotes I post on Mondays. (BTW, I post quotes on Instagram on Mondays, post a new blog on the website on Tuesdays, and new Instagram posts on Wednesday and Thursdays). I have so many ideas and plans to expand and grow the site (and I love to collaborate so if you have any ideas, please reach out), but for right now this is all the capacity I have to produce.
And if you have any ideas on how to increase traction, awareness, or subscriptions to vitally valenKIND, please share them. I'm open to all positive and constructive feedback that will grow the site. As I say in the mission section, this is my offering to the world to be an ignitor of deeper thought, reflection and hopefully positive change in your own life. It's about being a positive light of reflection of inspiration, hope, change and maybe even healing.
Recently we were cleaning out a closet at my mom’s house, and I found a (Care Bear) folder that my mom had written on the front “house fire, farm sale posters, etc.” Gotta love the 80’s! Inside, there were cards from people that had sent condolences, money or whatever assistance they could provide after our house fire (in 1983). There were over 20+ cards from people I had never heard their names before…ever. People that helped out in a time of need. The real beauty of humanity coming together to help their fellow neighbor.
So, I'm here asking for your help in whatever way you can provide it and if that's just a simple prayer, then that is more than enough. Through the grace of God, I know He will provide and I will continue to rejoice in His holy name.
My intention is that whatever support you can provide, when I'm financially stable again, I will donate that amount back to a charity in your name. If there is a specific charity you would like me to donate back to, please leave the name of the charity in the comments section below.
As I've recently learned, you have to be vulnerable enough to ask for help and I now know that it is OK to ask for help. I need support. I can't do it alone anymore. So, thank you for lifting me up. Thank you for your support. Thank you for being part of my life's journey. Thank you for being you!
How you can help:
1. Prayer (honestly, thinking about anyone praying for me makes me want to weep)
2. Extend your support through the Tip Jar below (just know credit card fees are deducted from amount given) OR directly through Venmo (@Kim-Fenneman) (where the full amount given is received)
3. Subscribe to the weekly vitally valenKIND blog (+ weekly newsletter TBD)
4. Buy the Personal Values Assessment (and if you find it valuable, buy the Values Assessment Supplement)
5. Buy my book, Corn-fed with Rice on the Side
6. Share with friends, family, church family/bible study groups, colleagues, neighbors
Thank you SO much!!